Where Priorities "LIE"

Dear Ex,
            Well You, the most recent You, I never really knew how much it would affect me until I actually sat down to start typing this.  I just cannot really explain what it really feels like honestly.  One thing is for certain, many emotions are stirring.  There are many things  that need to be said and many things that will remain to be unsaid.  I will give you the good parts, some of the bad, and the ironically funny.
            One thing that I will start with is that we met in college through friends and became closer through studying together.  One thing I am most resentful for is the inability for you to let me in.  I resent you for: loving those that you had affair with; loving those that could not tell you who were fathering their children; for not standing up for me and thinking it was comical that I was being chewed out on your front lawn with you right there; most of all for being the person that had been screwed over so many times that when someone finally came along that was ready to marry you, had the ring on the finger, loved you and everything that came with it and willing to put up with the potential that came with it, that you became the person that did the screwing over. 
            Typically people that are engaged, talk about their future, their hopes, their dreams...  This is where you ever so graciously pointed out that when were to have children or probably any other significant event in our lives you MAY MIGHT POSSIBLY leave DRILL, of all things drill, which you can take vacation days from.  Then proceeded to explain that your men were important, and you would not want to miss drill and miss supervising them.  "I'd eventually get there," he said.  This is the point I realized that I would never come first, never.
            Oh and let us not forget what lead up to the taking back of the ring, which happened before the previous story.  This would be where, after the ass chewing of the century from his mother in the front lawn, he told me “Good Luck” after I told him my mom, dad, and I (yes it took the whole family) were taking Oscar (our puppy of 15 years) to the vet to put him down. 

What was the blind slide, hit and run, train wreck, of an ass chewing about you ask?  Yea… Well that would be about pretty much everything under the sun that everything to do with he and I and nothing with her.  It was about an issue he and I had discussed and settled.  It was about the $2800 dollar engagement ring he bought me, yes I was being chewed out for this while he was standing there, just standing.  It was about so much and so little and changed every aspect of our relationship, and I could not look at him the same after.  I could literally feel myself not looking at him the same that is when I actually could make myself look at him.

That also lead to a “why are you sad” and a “oh I just thought you were being a Debbie Downer.”  This was heart wrenching.  Many friends, men included, called that day to check on myself and my family, but not my fiancé.  Something was severely wrong with this picture, and after a long night of contemplating, the next day I headed to the jewelry store.  Yay! 100 day return policies!  However, on the very bright side of the deal I bought a fabulous pair of Gianni Bini grey suede ankle boots and Gianni Bini dress.  That felt nice.
            Ladies and Gentlemen some rules of the red flag road.... these are not good signs
*if you are not a priority, especially during important life events
*if you are put on the back burner so that he/she can fix "friends" problems at 11pm and midnight and not work on your own relationship
*if important details often just "slip" and you are left wondering "were you ever going to tell me this"

Happy Adventures

Brandi

Yes, the amazing Gianni Bini's.



P.S. I just realized something as I just turned to my best friend to tell her my own account of a bad boyfriend blurb a light bulb just came on and about hit me upside the head... So many times we do not talk about our red flag moments until long after they happen.  Women are known for over analyzing, yet, it seems to me we tend to over analyze in the wrong situations that, or we are just not listening to our heads when we should.  So many times, more than I can account, intuition has been right on... not even sure if it has ever been wrong.