Travels

Travels

Coming back to earth

After a long trip.

Through the stars

And beyond the moon.

Things on earth

Are different now. 

Have they changed

Or have I?

After being in that world

I don’t know who I am

After seeing the dull

Side of shining stars.

Lazy Lover

This story is about a type of man that we call a “lazy lover.”  They want all of the gratification that they can receive from sex, without providing and of the gratification that a woman looks for from sex.  Pretty much, they want to get off and not put forth any effort to help you out.  Sounds like every woman’s dream right?  Anywho on to the story, Boy that I was dating made the comment that he did not need sex from me.  At first I was kind of shocked.  “Since when?” was the question I chose to ask.  He proceeded to tell me that he no longer wanted to have sex with a partner because it was “too  much work,” and that it was easier to “take care of himself.”  As you can imagine this was NOT what I wanted to hear.  Seriously how  much more selfish can a person get?  I want to have an orgasm but am to lazy to attempt to give you one.  Nothing says love quite like that so I kicked him to the curb.  A few weeks later at about midnight someone started banging on my door.  You guessed it, lazy lover had arrived and we can all guess what he wanted.  He proceeded to try everything he could to try and get laid.  My only response to him was, “ I would rather take care of myself, I do it right EVERY time.”  So gentlemen, think long and hard before you say anything that could insult a woman’s sexual pride.  You are NOT the only sex that prides themselves on their sexual accomplishments and ability.  You may just want to have sex with a woman sometime in the future; and if you haven’t noticed, women tell every woman they can get to listen about everything shady thing a man does.  So if you say something like this, every woman that she meets in the next six months will hear about it and you will be on the sexual blacklist.  If you doubt me when I say that we need sex like you do and our sexuality can be offended, check out an episode of Sex and the City and watch the girls.  That show is a legend for a reason.    

I would like to thank the people that make this blog possible and encourage everyone to not only follow our blog, but to suggest our blog and follow us on Facebook.  I am always looking for new stories so feel free to email them to me at: barena19@aol.com or message it to me on Facebook!!  Happy Dating.    

Carried Away on Angel's Wings

How and where we met is completely irrelevant to the story I am about to tell, although in some ways it is the most important part of the story.  In order for him to remain anonymous I must resist the impulse to go on in flowery terms about how we met and how beautiful the scenery was, just know that we met in paradise although whether it was a physical or emotional paradise you will never know.  I met him, and I HATED him.  The first few hours that we spent together, I spent wishing he would quit trying to get me into bed.  Then we went outside for a smoke, and ended up taking a walk.  We talked about everything except for why I was so bitter.  He would throw out a flirtatious line and I would cut him down with some smart ass comment that has become my specialty.  Finally after a few hours he just laid it out and asked,” Who fucked you over, and what did they do.”  That was the beginning of our story.  I broke down and told him everything.  I told him that it was my 21st birthday and the guy I had spent most of my life had called me and I was upset and I missed him.  He held my while I cried and he told me that I was beautiful when I cried, and only deserved to be happy.  That was it, I was hooked.  

On New Years Eve, two days later, we went to a party with a bunch of his friends.  He was so cute introducing me to everyone that would listen long enough as “his girlfriend” and talking about how special I was.  After a while he started acting funny, and went and sat in a chair on the patio to smoke.  I went and sat in his lap, wrapped my arms around his neck, and asked him why he was acting funny.  He pulled out his phone, which really confused the hell out of me, and started typing away on it.  When he was done, he showed me the screen and these words were there, “I think I have fallen in love with you” and I text him back, “I love you too.”  A few weeks later, he asked me if I would marry him.  I said yes, but even then I was unsure.  I remember calling my best friend and asking, “What have I done?”  This is where the story takes a turn.

One night he went out with his friends, and I didn’t hear from him the next day.  He called from a friend’s phone late the next afternoon and said that he had too much to drink and had lost his phone.  I was upset but there wasn’t much that I could say, until someone called me from his phone and my world was turned upside down.  She told me her name and asked if I was his sister.  I told her that I was his fiancee and asked how she got his phone.  She told me that he had left his phone at the bar, and that she had seen him leave with someone that is a known prostitute in the area.  At first I was stunned and didn’t believe her.  How could I? I love him and wanted to think nothing but the best of him.  She then proceeded to send me pictures of him and other girls and texts from his phone to and from other girls that were completely inappropriate for a man that is planning on getting married.  I was crushed.  I proceeded to call him at work on his friend’s phone and give him a cussing the likes of which he has never had before.  I then proceeded to drink myself into peaceful oblivion.  

For most people that would have been the end of things, but I truly did love him.  I never found out whether or not he did go home with a hooker.  I forgave him, but I couldn’t forget.  That act wasn’t the actual end of the relationship although it was the end.  We stayed together for four more months but I realized that although I could forgive, I could not forget.  We stayed in touch and stayed friends even though at times it broke my heart to hear of his rampant escapades.  We were undeniably best friends and had a bond that some people never get to experience in their lifetime, and then the fall came.  He met a girl, and although he tried to keep the fact hidden from me, he eventually was forced through circumstance to tell me of her existence.  That’s right readers, she was pregnant.  I will never forget the night that he called to tell me.  The desire for a child is something that we both share.  We both have baby fever, and the desire for a family had bonded us together.  He was torn between being happy he was going to be a father, and sad that it wasn’t me.  We both stayed up for hours talking and crying.  I knew then that in a way, he was lost to me no matter what the outcome.  

We continued to be friends and although I was happy for him, it broke my heart. And then something changed everything, in the blink of an eye she lost the baby, they started fighting, and then they got married.  He tried to keep it from me, but we had too many friends in common for me not to find out.  For a few weeks nothing changed, and then as if a switch was turned, he began implying that I was a home wrecker and went as far as to write on a friend’s facebook that I had left him because he was in the military.  He even implied to a friend that I was a slut and had been the biggest mistake of his life.  Once again I was left heartbroken by the boy with the most beautiful green eyes that I have ever seen.  At the date of this posting it has been close to a month since I have spoken to him, and I miss my friend terribly.  I miss the person that understood me because he knew my deepest secrets, and kept some of the same ones himself.  I didn’t write this post to bad mouth a lost love, I wrote it as a source of catharsis.  I have carried this pain for too long and I will be leaving its body here in the contents of this story, and carrying them with me no longer.

All my love,

Brandy A.

The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly. . . Dates That Is.

In my previous post, I talked about how to go about asking a someone on a date.  So in this post I am going to talk about good vs bad dates, and some common sense dating behaviors.

Good Date Vs. Bad date

Locations: 

I have gotten mixed reviews when I have asked people about where are good/bad places to go on dated but here are some things that most people can agree on.

1. Gifts.  I do not know when bringing a gift to the person that you are going out with went out of fashion, but I am here to bring it back.  I am not saying that you have to bring me flowers every time we go on a date.  But bringing a girl her favorite candy, or a CD that you made of songs you love (so that she can get to know you) or songs she loves (to prove that you know her) can go a long way.  These are all inexpensive ways to show a girl that you are putting forth effort and are interested in her, and would like to see her happy.  I once had a guy pick me up for a date, and he brought me a book of short stories that were written by female authors that had previously been unpublished.  It meant a lot to me that he remembered that I love to read and was a women’s studies major.  Some of the stories were actually really good and became some of my favorites.  He probably spent $5 on the book, but it meant so much.
2. Coffee is idiot proof.  An afternoon coffee date is harmless and a good place to get to know the other person.  If you can plan the date so that should it go well it leads up to an evening activity-dinner, concert, etc- you get brownie points for being thoughtful and taking the time to plan.
3. Movies are bad.  Even though dinner and a movie is a dating staple, most of the people that I talked to agreed that it makes for a bad first date and should only be suggested once you are dating regularly.  The reasoning behind this is that A) it is completely unoriginal and requires no thought and B) movies are loud, dark and you are surrounded by people so you will not get to spend time getting to know the other person which is the point of a first date.  Some alternatives to movies: plays/concerts.  Although they are also loud and you won’t get to talk much, if planned properly, they show a lot about your personality and can lead to a good time.  Another fun date is a local drive-in.  This is not such a great idea for a first time because it will probably involve time spent driving, but it is a great idea for a night out after you have been dating for a while.
4. Drinks are bad for a multitude of reasons.  One reason is that once again, this is the most unoriginal thing I have ever heard of.  Second reason that this idea stinks is that alcohol is involved, and alcohol should be kept to a minimum on a first date.  If you are thinking about asking a girl to go for a drink, there are a few ways that you can make things a little more creative. 1) Find a really unusual bar.  Go to an Irish pub or look online and see what some of the trendy bars in your area are.  2) Find out if she is a sports fan, and if her sport is in season.  If it is, make a date with her to watch a game and a fun sports bar.  3) If she is a wine person, go somewhere with a trendy wine tasting.  4) Something that a lot of people don’t think of, are special events that bars have.  Bar tending competitions, trivia nights, etc are all things that are similar to “going for drinks” but do not involve you sitting at a bar and staring at each other while getting wasted into oblivion.  Please remember ladies and gentlemen to use the Millionaire Matchmaker date alcohol consumption guidelines, no MORE than 2 drinks on a first date.
5. Picnics are the best dates ever, and they are cheap.  Every town in the US has a park of some kind, take advantage of them.  If you can’t cook, order take out or visit your local Fresh Market and pick out some of their yummy pre-prepared meals. Pack a blanket, lunch, a frisbee, some way to play music, and have a great afternoon.  
6. Dancing.  You cannot go wrong with going to a bar that has live music and dancing to 80’s cover songs.  In Nashville, my favorite is The Stage. They always have live music, and it is always a fun light atmosphere.  It is a great laid back date that will not only allow you to get to know your date, but you can laugh at yourself as well. 
7. The zoo/aquarium.  Seems childish but its a great outdoor spring/summer date.  Not only do you get to walk around and get some exercise, you will get to learn about each other and possibly learn something new.  If you really want to impress the other person, you can all ahead and plan a tour.  Almost all establishments do this and it is a really fun experience.
8. Beerpong is not a date.  I had to include this because it happened to me recently.   I got invited on a FIRST date to go play beerpong at one of his buddy’s  house.  Not only were all of the men drunk, but my best friend (who I dragged along as a safety net poor thing) and I were the only girls there.  Gentlemen, beer pong is a fun American past time, but it is not acceptable for a first date under any circumstances.

Bad Dating Behaviors:

These are some things that will ensure that you will not getting a 2nd date.  So if you want to see the person again, avoid them at all cost; but if you realize mid date that your date is crazy, whip them out and watch them work.

1. Talking about people of the opposite sex/flirting.  Okay, this really shouldn’t have to be said, but sadly I am here saying it.  If you are on a date, commenting on the waitresses breasts, the bartender’s abs, or attempting to pick up the bass player in the band is not appropriate.  I once was at a bar with a friend and his boyfriend, we went to the bathroom and returned to find said boyfriend snuggled up with another guy. NOT OKAY.
2. Getting wasted.  If I have to carry you out of the bar, drive you home, or clean up after you throwing up; I will never want to see you again. Period. 
3. Clinger McCreeperson.  Being a Clinger on a date is not okay.  Do not physically attach yourself to your date.  Not only is it not attractive, its annoying.  If I cannot move without tripping over you, not only will I never want to see you again, I may resort to drastic measure to get away from you while still on the date.  We have begun to refer to this date as "clinger 9000"
4. Leaving me with a huge tab. I once went to see a local band play at a bar.  My friend was the waitress and there was a huge group of us at the table, my date and I got into an argument and he left.  When he left, he proceeded to leave me with an $80 tab.  So not only did I have to pay MY tab, I had to cover HIS as well.  
5. Talking about nothing but yourself, this goes for either sex.  I once went on a date with a guy that I had met because he was my waiter - CLUE #1.  We went to a concert to see one of my favorite bands, so I thought this was going to be a great night.  WRONG.  It was 7 hours of nothing but him talking about himself.  It was the longest night of my life.  It was at the Riverfront in Nashville, and at one point I was so desperate to get away from him that I tried to figure out how far I would have to swim to get home if I jumped off the pedestrian bridge downtown.  Do not let this happen to you, if you get the feeling that you are talking to much you probably are so ask your date a question.  If you can’t think of a question to ask, think outside the box. 
1. favorite book/movie/Tv show as a child
2. favorite food/drink/dessert/candy
3. farthest place you have ever traveled/favorite place to travel
4. pets: have any/want any/favorite

I hope this post has been helpful, and like always I look forward to receiving your feedback.  So put on your sexy shoes ladies and go round up a man.


<3 to my readers,
Brandy

Dating How To: The Article I Never Should Have Had To Write

Disclosure:  While reading this post keep the following in mind, I do not think that guys are responsible for asking out girls all the time. I think women are perfectly capable of asking a guy out on a date. The same rules apply to both sexes, but I have written this post to men in order to make it easer to read and hopefully funnier.

Alright followers, this blog has been inspired by recent true events.  I was talking to one of my guy friends the other day, and the subject of “dates” came up.  I made the comment that I shouldn’t have to define what a date was because it should be obvious, then I realized, it isn’t obvious.  Everyone has a different idea of what constitutes a date, and what a good date is.  Although almost all of my readers have been on a date in some sense of the word, many of them may not have been aware they were actually on one because of the packaging it was wrapped in.  So in this post I will be defining what I think a date is for my readers, and in my next post I will be talking about the difference between a good and bad date.  And because I <3 my readers, I will be throwing in some true bad date stories for some laughs.

**Date**  Dates lead to a lot of things.   A good date will lead to a good night kiss.  A series of good dates will lead to a sexual relationship, a few years of AMAZING dates will lead to a wedding, a house in the burbs, and a few kids.  A mediocre date, will result in a girl not returning the guys phone calls and pretending it never happened. A bad date, will lead to a girl spending the next Saturday night with her girlfriends.  A HORRIBLE date will lead to a girl shunning men and living  like a hermit off Chinese food and horror movies because she is scarred for life from the experience.  dictionary.com defines a date as, “a social engagement that is arranged beforehand.”  While this is true, I think that this needs to be further defined for some members of the male species because they do not seem to have grasped the concept yet.

1) Calling for a date.  Okay whatever cretin started the rumor that after meeting a woman you shouldn’t call for 3-5 days is an idiot.  If you meet a girl, and you like her, CALL HER THE NEXT DAY.  Don’t stalker call her every 5 minutes, but send her a quick text saying it was nice to meet her and make plans to see her again.  DO NOT find this person on facebook.  Wait at least 7-10 days of knowing and actively talking to the person before you add them as a friend on facebook.  Any sooner and its comes off and creeptastic.

2)The definition is correct, a date must be arranged in advance.  Why men think that they can call a girl and expect her to be free that same night I will never understand.  Is it too much to ask for 3-5 days advance notice.  I am not asking for a man to call me 14 days out and make arrangements, but please gentlemen 3-5 days is proper procedure for asking a woman on a date.  We have hair to fix, makeup to do, and an outfit to prepare depending upon the activity that you are inviting us to enjoy with you.

3)The actual asking of a date.  The next guy that asks if I want to “hang” or “chill” I am going to kick in the shins on pure principle.  I am an English major, and I appreciate the vast number of words that are available for use in the English language.  If you are going to ask me out, do it grammatically correct and in more than 3 words.   A simple, “would you like to go out with me (when)(where)(why, yes include why you are asking her out a little flattery never killed anyone and makes a good impression).” is not that difficult!

4) The after date protocol.  Everyone has a different idea about what should happen after a date.  Personally, I think that after a first date the guy should call/text/email the next day just to tell the girl that he had a good time, and to make arrangements to see her again.  A general check in the next day is a good plan because it keeps girls from thinking that you have *poofed*.  Rinse, Wash and repeat ladies and gentlemen until you find yourself firmly seated in a relationship.

This ladies and gentlemen is a date.  A prearranged meeting at a location that is designed to allow both parties to get to know the other one better.  In the next post, I will be listing a few things that make good dates, and some things that make HORRIBLE dates that leave girls scarred for life.  So put your dating shoes on, and go ask out that hottie you have had your eyes on for a while.

Where Priorities "LIE"

Dear Ex,
            Well You, the most recent You, I never really knew how much it would affect me until I actually sat down to start typing this.  I just cannot really explain what it really feels like honestly.  One thing is for certain, many emotions are stirring.  There are many things  that need to be said and many things that will remain to be unsaid.  I will give you the good parts, some of the bad, and the ironically funny.
            One thing that I will start with is that we met in college through friends and became closer through studying together.  One thing I am most resentful for is the inability for you to let me in.  I resent you for: loving those that you had affair with; loving those that could not tell you who were fathering their children; for not standing up for me and thinking it was comical that I was being chewed out on your front lawn with you right there; most of all for being the person that had been screwed over so many times that when someone finally came along that was ready to marry you, had the ring on the finger, loved you and everything that came with it and willing to put up with the potential that came with it, that you became the person that did the screwing over. 
            Typically people that are engaged, talk about their future, their hopes, their dreams...  This is where you ever so graciously pointed out that when were to have children or probably any other significant event in our lives you MAY MIGHT POSSIBLY leave DRILL, of all things drill, which you can take vacation days from.  Then proceeded to explain that your men were important, and you would not want to miss drill and miss supervising them.  "I'd eventually get there," he said.  This is the point I realized that I would never come first, never.
            Oh and let us not forget what lead up to the taking back of the ring, which happened before the previous story.  This would be where, after the ass chewing of the century from his mother in the front lawn, he told me “Good Luck” after I told him my mom, dad, and I (yes it took the whole family) were taking Oscar (our puppy of 15 years) to the vet to put him down. 

What was the blind slide, hit and run, train wreck, of an ass chewing about you ask?  Yea… Well that would be about pretty much everything under the sun that everything to do with he and I and nothing with her.  It was about an issue he and I had discussed and settled.  It was about the $2800 dollar engagement ring he bought me, yes I was being chewed out for this while he was standing there, just standing.  It was about so much and so little and changed every aspect of our relationship, and I could not look at him the same after.  I could literally feel myself not looking at him the same that is when I actually could make myself look at him.

That also lead to a “why are you sad” and a “oh I just thought you were being a Debbie Downer.”  This was heart wrenching.  Many friends, men included, called that day to check on myself and my family, but not my fiancé.  Something was severely wrong with this picture, and after a long night of contemplating, the next day I headed to the jewelry store.  Yay! 100 day return policies!  However, on the very bright side of the deal I bought a fabulous pair of Gianni Bini grey suede ankle boots and Gianni Bini dress.  That felt nice.
            Ladies and Gentlemen some rules of the red flag road.... these are not good signs
*if you are not a priority, especially during important life events
*if you are put on the back burner so that he/she can fix "friends" problems at 11pm and midnight and not work on your own relationship
*if important details often just "slip" and you are left wondering "were you ever going to tell me this"

Happy Adventures

Brandi

Yes, the amazing Gianni Bini's.



P.S. I just realized something as I just turned to my best friend to tell her my own account of a bad boyfriend blurb a light bulb just came on and about hit me upside the head... So many times we do not talk about our red flag moments until long after they happen.  Women are known for over analyzing, yet, it seems to me we tend to over analyze in the wrong situations that, or we are just not listening to our heads when we should.  So many times, more than I can account, intuition has been right on... not even sure if it has ever been wrong.

Undateable: The Music Edition

So this post is a little different than most of the other posts that I have written for this blog.  Let me start this post by saying that I have over 1100 songs on my iPhone alone. I am a music addict plain and simple.  I love everything from classic jazz to metal and everything in between the two.  We were laying on my bed listening to my playlist on shuffle and realized just how many songs were written about people doing something that should make them completely UNdateable, but because it is a catchy song we sing along and think its great.  So here is a list of popular songs, and why if it were a real person carrying out these actions they would be UNdateable.  I am writing this list to possibly enhance everyones iTunes playlist, but mostly just to make everyone laugh at how ridiculous these folks are.  If you can think of any other songs please email them to me or comment them and I will add them to the list!  

Stalking:

Follow You Home- Nickelback : Why this song makes someone undateable is stated clearly in the title.  Ladies, if a man is following you home for ANY reason, he is a creepy stalker. It isn’t cute, he isn’t showing you how much he likes you he is only showing you how crazy he is.  So call the cops, place that restraining order, buy some fabulous shoes, and press next on your iPod. 

Paparazzi- Lady GaGa: So if someone is just following you around taking pictures of you and you aren’t Lindsey Lohan, it probably isn’t good and he may try and assassinate the president in your name.  Great song though. . .

The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get- Morrissey: Another guy that doesn’t understand that a girl ignoring him means she ISN’T interested, not “chase me more!”

I Will Possess Your Heart- Death Cab For Cutie: Although I have always loved this song I have always thought it was a little creepy.  I mean honestly, I kind of need my heart to continue to write this blog, thank you though.

One Way or Another- Blondie: I must say, gotta give this bitch props for not giving up.

Honorable Mentions;

I Want You- Elvis Costello

Obsession- Animotion

Pinkerton- Weezer

#1 Crush- Garbage

Creep- Radiohead

Stan- Eminem

Bathwater- No Doubt

Alone- Barracuda

Jessie’s Girl- Rick Springfield

Prove My Love- Violent Femmes

Gonna Get Close to You- Dalbello

Always- Bon Jovi

Poofing

Hey Boy- The Blow:  This song is about a boy that **poofs** and her friends trying to justify it to her.  Ladies, quit making excuses for the jackass and move on to something better.  Your netflix queue is calling, quit waiting for him.

He Better Be Dead- Stealing Angels:  Another man has **poofed** and caused a woman to go off the deep end.  Ladies, follow my aforementioned advice and go buy yourself some fabulous shoes and go dancing with your girlfriends.  They are your real soulmates. 

Cheating:

Before He Cheats- Carrie Underwood:  I will devote an entire blog article to the person that carries (haha pun intended) this song on my ex-boyfriend’s beloved truck.  Just saying Carrie may have an idea.  If he cheats once, he will do it again mark my words.

The Thunder Rolls- Garth Brooks: Here is another cheating song that doesn’t end quite and happily as Carrie’s.  In this one the woman doesn’t destroy his belongings she just kills him.  Although I can’t really blame her, remember ladies I do not condone murder and filing for divorce and taking everything he owns can be just as sadistically pleasurable. 

Confessions-Usher:  Another no brainer.  If your boyfriend has knocked up another girl he has obviously cheated and needs to go to the island of loser men (my next blog post will explain this concept.)

Cheating song honorable mentions:

When Whoever’s in New England is Through With You- Reba McEntire

Dilemma- Nelly

When a Woman’s Not Watching- James Otto

A Woman Knows- John Anderson

Cheater, Cheater- Joey & Rory

Stay- Sugarland

Room 21- Hinder

White Liar- Miranda Lambert

Violence:

( http://creativefolk.com/abusesongs.html )

Gunpowder and Lead- Miranda Lambert: Once again ladies I cannot condone murdering your spouse, but a good ole fashioned Southern ass kicking wouldn’t hurt this guy one bit.  

Next Contestant- Nickelback: So I can personally attest to why this man is undateable because I have dated one of them, in fact, I think I dated the person this song was written about.  If I was out with my X and anything that could possible have a dick came up and talked to me he would lunge at them like a rabid dog.  It was overkill and very embarrassing.  

977- The Pretenders: Ladies there is a thick black line between love and abuse.  If you even think that you may be abused, you probably are.  Get help. Reach out to someone.

Behind the Wall- Tracy Chapman

Substance Abuse:

Rehab- Amy Winehouse: If your significant other needs to be in rehab but refuses to go, kick them to the curb and wish them the best of luck.  Your momma always said “You are the company you keep” and in this one instance, bonus point for momma.

Last Call- Lee Ann Womack:  Ladies, I have been this girl and let me tell you, if you become a guys “drunk dial” delete him.  If he only calls after a bottle of cheap whiskey, he isn’t worth it.  

Addicted- Saving Abel: Even if it is sex that he is addicted to, it isn’t a good sign ladies.  

White Rabbit- Grace Potter and the Nocturnals: Its all in the title folks.

The Guy that Only Wants Sex:

Paradise By The Dashboard Lights- Meatloaf: Although this is one of my favorite songs, the guy is an asshole.  We all know that a guy will do anything to get in your pants, this song just illustrates it colorfully.  

Your Sex is on Fire- Kings of Leon:  This means not only does he want to have sex with you, he has had sex with so many people that he has got something Ajax couldn’t take off.  They have a cream for that KOL.  

General Asshole Behaviors:

Jack of Hearts- Sarah Darling: I agree Sarah dear, we should all trust our guts when meeting a new guy.  If he seems like he is too good to be true or a closet prick, he probably is and we should run away as far and as fast as we can.  Just run until you pass out, then you MAY be far enough away from THIS undateable guy.

Maybe- Ingrid Michaelson: This is the guy that broke your heart when he broke up with you, BUT left you hope that he may come back: I’m not ready to be serious, I need to see other people to know if I am ready, I need to find myself, etc.  If he comes back, give him a kick in the tooshie for me please.

More Like Her- Miranda Lambert: If a guy EVER makes you feel like you need to be more like someone else for him to love you, give him a kick in the pants.  No man should ever compare you to someone else.  I learned the hard way that I am enough for some man, and trying to be another woman for him will lead to him leaving you anyways.  You are amazing because you are you, not because you were “more like her.”

Maybe He’ll Notice Her Now- Mindy McCready: If you have to light hoops on fire and jump through them wearing lingerie and hooker heels while cooking dinner and juggling rabbits to get your man to look at you, you are working way to hard.  Leave him and when he realizes that he misses the hoops and lingerie, kick this man in the tooshie too.

Space- Sarah Buxton: Guys that ask for space give me a headache.  I am sorry would it make you happy if I moved to the moon?  I am sorry that I called to tell you to pick up your shit from my apartment before I burned it, next time I will just throw your $10,000 gun collection and every article of the clothing in the trash for trash day, and when you ask why say “buy baby you wanted space.”

What Do You Want From Me- Jerrod Nieman:  AMEN Jerrod.  Finally someone who just came out and said it.  We have all known,dated,married a game player.  These are the people that make playing bridge seem easy.  They have turned their lives into a series of mind  games and want you to play.  Sorry boys, the only game I play is Candy Land.

This last song I had to put in a category all its own because it has a special jackass story in my life.  Many years ago the guy that I have dated ON and OFF since 2003 and I broke up because we had some little spat.  He then proceeded to move one of my best friends into my apartment and they BOTH lied to me about it.  So not only did I lose my boyfriend, but one of my best friends as well.  Eventually he realized that he missed me, shocker I know, and decided it would be a good idea to pay his musician friend to leave this song on my voicemail (knowing that I WOULD NOT be answering his calls.  Sadly ladies, this ploy worked and we dated for another 2 1/2 years afterwords.  So I must give a special shout out to:

Lips Of An Angel- Hinder.